The problem
The lack of self-acceptance is a problem for many recovering addicts. This subtle defect is
difficult to identify and often goes unrecognized. Many of us believed that using drugs was our
only problem, denying the fact that our lives had become unmanageable. Even after we stop
using, this denial can continue to plague us. Many of the problems we experience in ongoing
recovery stem from an inability to accept ourselves on a deep level. We may not even realize
that this discomfort is the source of our problem, because it is often manifested in other ways.
We may find ourselves becoming irritable or judgmental, discontent, depressed, or confused.
We may find ourselves trying to change environmental factors in an attempt to satisfy the innergnawing we feel. In situations such as these our experience has shown that it is best to look
inward for the source of our discontent. Very often, we discover that we are harsh critics of
ourselves, wallowing in self-loathing and self-rejection.
Before coming to NA, most of us spent our entire lives in self-rejection. We hated ourselves
and tried every way we could to become someone different. We wanted to be anyone but
who we were. Unable to accept ourselves, we tried to gain the acceptance of others. We
wanted other people to give us the love and acceptance we could not give ourselves, but our
love and friendship were always conditional. We would do anything for anyone just to gain
their acceptance and approval, and then would resent those who wouldn’t respond the way
we wanted them to.
Because we could not accept ourselves, we expected to be rejected by others. We would
not allow anyone to get close to us for fear that if they really knew us, they would also hate us.
To protect ourselves from vulnerability, we would reject others before they had a chance to
reject us.
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know
the difference.
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